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Say yes or die.

I'm weird. Very weird. I can't even hate people. I always knew I was the one to represent The Good Life.

Nothing but the good life..

Thinking back of my childtime, I never afforded the bravery to say no. I couldn't find any explanation and I'm still owed one while sitting here writing. Even the attempt fails each time I try. And you can tell that I've tried thousands and thousands times. 

You're asking me why, I'm asking you why not.

How could anyone say no? That sounds so ridiculously lame to me. Yes is a nice word indeed. Yes for President. 

Telling you about my my problem makes me sick. Not that it's because I hate talking about myself, but that you get the approval that proves my humanity. Human beings are weak - and so am I, but I kinda made it to a main task of my life not to show that. I like being admired - sometimes. How can you admire someone who can't say no? The word itself 'N-O' is easier to pronounce than 'Y-E-S'. 

Well, I could also say 'Oh, I'm something like a superhero. I always choose the long and hard way' - just to justify my cause. But that'd be a lie. Lying is not my business. I like being mysterious, but if you ask your questions directly, you can be sure my answers will be true. As true as they can be. Building walls around me is much too exhausting - so you won't mistake it when I explain why it's so important to stick to the truth.

But sticking to the truth means confessing that 'Yes' is always the easier way.. You cannot hurt anyone with yes. No's always cause disappointments and useless conversations. And I'm always glad to avoid that.. The whole thing is associated with the whold Good Life issue mentioned at the very beginning:

Well, it's not a lie, but neither the whole truth. I am able to hate people. I'm just not able to speak that out to the involved people's faces. That sometimes I will never be able to change. 

Take care what you ask of me. I won't say no.
(Was thatan contradiction in itself? Yes.)

12.6.09 21:09


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